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DOMINANT WIFE IN CHARGE STORY

  

  

  

From Sandy V:

 

 

 

Here is my story and my questions.

 

 

For several years my husband dropped increasingly frequent hints about wives being in charge.  I did not tumble to his hints as the concept was alien to me.  We have been married 15 years and I have been the traditional wife--compliant, passive, and devoted to his comfort.  He is a successful professional person well respected in the community.  With others, at work and play, he projects a macho image; and previously, at home, I have viewed him in the same light .  By contrast, I have always felt somewhat inferior.  My education is less than his, and raising children delayed my modest occupational pursuits.  Dependent upon his income, I have always viewed him as the alpha partner.  This is my 3rd marriage and he is the love of my life.  Prior husbands proved abrasive, even abusive, and I coped by adopting a passive low profile and nurturing a low self esteem. Never treated as an equal, my inferior self image was constantly reinforced.    So you can imagine how unfathomable I found my husband's allusions.  On one hand, I felt somewhat disillusioned that he might be less of a man than I had supposed.  And, yet, at the same time I felt strangely intrigued.

 

 

As his hints became more overt and compelling, I started to fantasize a bit about being more forceful, at least in bed.  My fantasies excited me and I felt guilty on one hand, but rationalized on the other that these were his ideas.  Eventually he enticed me to try some simple games in bed---blindfolds, light bondage, me on top, etc.  I was conflicted.  I thought the activities perverse, yet I could not ignore the rush I got from being in control.  Feeling embarrassed I tried to pretend uninterested, but he persisted.

 

 

A major turning point came one day during foreplay.  He asked me to spank him.  I tried, but my effort was brief and mild as I did not want to hurt him.  I told him I did not like the idea.  His huge, and poorly concealed, disappointment brought our sex play to a halt.  I realized I needed to know why this was such a big deal to him.  For the 1st time in our marriage I gave him an order (to the shock of both of us).  I told him to fix drinks and that I then expected to hear the full extent of his fantasies.  After nervously fumbling around the edges awhile he began crying (only the 2nd time I had seen him do so).  He then blurted out that he had deep and long standing fantasies of being dominated by a woman who loved him, but that he was afraid to tell me since he feared I would then no longer love him.  Between long moments of sobbing he told me that he constantly fantasized being made to be subservient to me, wishing I would forcibly take charge of him and our marriage.

 

 

To say I was speechless is an understatement.  I had never seen him so emotional, and fearful, and vulnerable.  My first, and fortunately unspoken, thought was dismay at his lack of manliness (how wrong I was).  I held and comforted him silently for a long time, then thanked him for his honesty and promised to try to understand.

 

 

We did not discuss the subject again for many uncomfortable weeks.

 

I began to think more and more of converting my new excitement to reality by assuming the dominant role for some parts of our marriage.  The thought of my husband on his knees before me, having to obey and serve me seemed pathetic on one hand, but intoxicating on the other.  After all, it would be a win-win since I knew he wanted it and I was beginning to think I might want it --if only I could have the confidence to do it.  The excitement grew, and my view of our previous sex life began to look pathetically lacking.

 

 

Finally, one night during foreplay I asked if he remembered telling me his fantasies.  He, of course, did.  I asked if he were still serious about the idea of me being in control.  There was a short pause, then a quiet, "very".  I said he must understand that if such thing were to happen, there would be no going back, that I could choose to control any aspect of our marriage I wished, that my decisions would prevail, and that he would have to obey me unconditionally.  I told him he was to think about it for two weeks and if he still felt the same I would take control of the marriage, and if not, things would stay as before.  I could tell from his erection what answer to expect.  I informed him I had decided on a massage instead of sex that night and, indeed, he was not to have an orgasm for two weeks while he deliberated his answer.

 

 

On Friday of the 2nd week, I told him I wanted him out of the house on Sunday before noon and to return precisely at 2 pm.  He was told to find me in the living room where he would be expected to kneel before me, prepared to make a decision.  He was also told that when asked for his decision he must kiss each of my feet, and then make one of two choices.  One would be to beg my forgiveness for misleading me about his submissive desires and by way of apology pledge to abstain from orgasm two more weeks.  The other would be to offer to surrender himself to my total control by choosing to have an orgasm which he should understand would not only symbolize his loss of control but which would also serve as the moment of transition from independence to total submission.

 

 

That Sunday he arrived right on time and found me sitting in the living room dressed in a short skirt and legs crossed to display the high heeled boots I bravely bought just for the occasion.  I was sipping wine, but still felt so shaky inside I couldn't talk, so I said nothing and simply pointed to the floor in front of me.  As he knelt, he said "yes dear".  His voice cracked and I could see he was trembling.  It gave me renewed courage to see he was more nervous than I.  I was suddenly aware of an intensely pleasurable feeling of relaxed confidence and power.  I was struck at that moment by the conscious realization that never, ever again would I be content in the absence of those feelings.  My turning point had arrived.

 

 

I asked if he had made a choice.  He nodded and I offered one foot and then the other.  He kissed each and then said in a dry, hoarse, barely audible voice that if I would agree to dominate him he would choose to have an orgasm to mark the moment of his surrender of control to me.  I asked if he were sure since there would be no going back.  He nodded.  I had him stand and strip naked, then again pointed to the floor in front of me.  I reminded him he would need to ask my permission before coming.   I toyed with his penis with the toe of my boot for the few seconds it took it to become rock hard. I told him the time had come for him to offer himself to me by way of orgasm.

 

 

He looked to the bedroom and started to stand thinking we would be having sex there.  I placed one hand on his shoulder and grasped a nipple with the other.  I told him that he was to make himself come, right there, on his knees, in front of me.   His look of astonishment was amplified by a crimson blush which revealed his profound embarrassment.  This was not what he expected.  He gave me a plaintive look as if he thought I would reveal the joke.  Feeling my confidence, I merely stared at him.  Realizing I was serious he began stroking and was soon asking my permission to come.  At that point I grabbed both of his nipples and told him to come.  As his orgasm began, I pinched as hard as I could, so hard I thought they might pop.  His moans became almost screams.  Never before had I seen him have a more intense or prolonged orgasm.  After he regained his composure I told him I had wanted his orgasm to be especially memorable, since it would be the last one in his life that he would ever have as a result of his own choice.  I informed him that he was never again to masturbate or, indeed, have an orgasm by any means except in my presence and at my instruction.  I then told him I needed to change clothes and run some errands and that I would be home at 6 and would expect supper ready and fresh sheets on our bed.

 

 

That was several months ago and things have gone fairly well.  He now seems more content then I have ever seen him and I have never been as happy.  He does chores when I assign them and I have been getting my sexual needs fully satisfied whenever I want.  Never before has he been interested in oral sex, but now he provides that for me on command and I feel no need to reciprocate if not in the mood.

 

 

At this point I am wondering how long this can last and where we go from here.  There are times when he fails to meet my expectations, especially if not long since he has been sexually satisfied.  I can withhold sex more, but that seems cruel.  I would like to have other means of discipline.  I am still uncomfortable with physical punishment since I don't want to hurt the one I love so very much.  I could ask him how to discipline, but that would be giving control back to him and would miss the point.  Also, I think I would like to try feminizing him.  The idea of taking away his masculinity when he is at home appeals greatly. However I would not want to destroy his macho image which serves him so well at work and with friends.  I am so thrilled with the discovery of my new power that I am eager to go further into femdom to avoid stagnation, but I do not want to go to some of the extremes in your book.  How do I find the right balance and the right pace?

  

  

  

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