DOMINANT FEMALE - CUCKOLDRESS
From Ms Lilly:
I am a high profile lifestyle Dominant Woman and a good friend of Elise. Recently, I did an interview in a FemDom publication that dealt with cuckolding. After reading the interview, Elise asked me if I could condense it and submit it to her site. It is my pleasure to do so.
I have been married to my wonderful husband for twenty-five years. We were married when I was twenty-five and he was twenty-six, so I'll let you do the math on how old we are. In our twenty-five year old marriage, my husband has been cuckolded now for fifteen years. We have been living a cuckoldry marriage now longer than we lived a traditional marriage.
The first six years of our marriage was very traditional and very vanilla. We were the perfect couple, we did everything together and we had great sex. About year six, we became involved in D&S. That is a long story in itself and I will not go into that here due to time. We were both switches for the first two years of our D&S life, as we rotated between being the Dom and the sub. About year eight of our marriage, we both came to the mutual realization and decision that I was a natural Dom and he was a natural sub. I have embraced my true and natural Dominant Persona and my husband has embraced his true and natural submissive Persona for the past 17 years.
Like most dominant women, once I discovered and embraced my dominant nature, there was no going back and I ran with it. These past 17 years have been the best of my life, especially in the area of my sexuality. Only a dominant woman who discovers and unleashes her dominant energy is capable of experiencing sex on this higher plain. I use to think I had good orgasms but once I discovered female domination and female supremacy, sex and orgasms moved into a whole new world of intensity and pleasure.
That brings me to the topic of cuckolding. Ms Sutton, you very eloquently talk about the potential negatives of cuckolding and the moral questions involved. I agree with everything you have said but I am going to focus on the joys and positives of cuckolding. Cuckolding is like dynamite, if used properly, it is a very powerful tool but if used incorrectly, it will blow your hand off. I have talked with and counseled a number of women over the years who really screwed up their lives and marriages because of cuckolding.
But as I would listen to the stories of unwanted pregnancies, venereal disease, and broken homes I wanted to scream out "You foolish girl, you have no one to blame but yourself". You don't hold a piece of dynamite with a lit fuse and expect not to be hurt. There are two absolutes I have learned about women. One, all women are superior to men. And two, not all women are equal in intelligence and common sense. You don't sleep with strange men and you always use a condom. Period, no exceptions. The safe sex rules of cuckolding are no different than the safe sex rules of dating for singles. It's a dangerous world out there so keep your wits about you and always use sound judgment and good old common sense.
Why cuckolding? The politically correct things to say within the cuckolding world are "I only cuckold my husband because I want to drive him into deeper submission to me" or "I only cuckold my husband because he enjoys it as well. If he didn't enjoy it, than I wouldn't do it to him." Both of these commonly used statements are correct and that should be a part of the process but I also cuckold my husband because I am a selfish bitch. I enjoy having sex with another man (and occasionally another woman) while I sexually deny and humiliate my husband. There, I admitted it. I like to date other men. I like the whole process from start to finish. I love my husband and I include him in on the cuckolding because I want him to be humiliated, I want to drive him into deeper submission to me, and I feel it is his husbandly duty in a female supremacist marriage. Cuckolding is an important part of who I am, what I believe and what I am all about. It is not just a D&S game or activity but it is a declaration and a lifestyle.
Like I said, I love the whole process. I love the flirting with an attractive man. I love asking a man out on a date. I love teasing my husband about it. I love making my husband prepare me for my dates. I love going on the date. I love meeting and experiencing a new man. I love the first kiss, the first touch, the fondling, the passion, and yes, I LOVE the sex. I love the tormenting and humiliating my husband during and after the sex. I love the power I feel and I love what it does to me as a dominant woman. And above all, I love what it does to my husband as a submissive man. You don't know control and power over a man until you have cuckolded him, especially if you incorporate orgasm denial along with the cuckolding.
Let me discuss the denial process and the importance of it as it relates to cuckolding. The whole cuckolding process is about Female liberation and male acceptance to the superiority of women. It is about a total and complete power exchange from the submissive husband to the superior wife. It is about humiliating the husband for the wife's sexual pleasure.
What cuckolding is not about is swinging or orgies. I may on rare occurrences allow my husband to serve me or even service me in some manner while my lover is having sex with me, but that is because it will further my pleasure and that is what I am in the mood for that night. However, my husband is never allowed to orgasm in the presence of my lover. My husband exists to serve me. He does not exist for his own selfish pleasure. It is all about my pleasure and my pleasure is enhanced by my knowledge that my husband is aroused, frustrated and denied.
As a female supremacist, I do not believe in the male orgasm and I do not sanction the male orgasm. I only allow my lover to orgasm because I know that it will add to my husband's humiliation. The same goes for intercourse. My husband is not permitted intercourse with me but I allow my lover the right to intercourse only because I know it will add to my husband's humiliation and shame. For some women, the same can be said for sucking a man's penis. Most female supremacists will never do that disgusting act to any man for any reason. But there are some women who on very rare occasions will make an exception and do it to their lover because they want to add to their husband's humiliation and frustration.
How often and for how long do I deny my husband? For the past fifteen years, my husband has had zero orgasms through intercourse. I allow my husband to enter me with his penis two or three times a year only because I don't want him to ever forget the pleasure that he is missing the other 362 days of the year. On those few days that I allow him to enter me, I am always on top and he is not permitted to move a muscle. I may just hold still to allow him to feel my warmth or I may even give him a few humps just to remind him what he is missing. But after a few very brief minutes, I pull off of him and back into frustration he goes. Also, the entire time I allow him to be inside of me, I am softly whispering to him to tease him about how my lovers are permitted this pleasure all the time but he will never be permitted to orgasm inside of me again. Like I said, I only allow my husband these brief encounters two or three times a year and only so he doesn't forget what he is missing when I am with my lover. It adds to the mind games and the mental domination.
Besides being denied intercourse with me, my husband is denied any type of orgasm most of the time. I tried to permanently deny my husband but we didn't quite make it. He could go about a month to six weeks but than he would have a wet dream or an accidental climax during our D&S sessions. Even if he was in a chastity device, he would on occasion orgasm when I was taking him with my strap-on. So, I decided that instead of wasting my valuable time in figuring out how to prevent this or going through the exhausting effort of giving him prostate milkings, I decided it was easier and more enjoyable to allow him one or two very humiliating orgasms per month. I talked this over with a few women and the consensus is that if a man's orgasm is permitted in a non-intimate and degrading way, that it still qualifies as permanent denial. What's the difference if he has it through a milking or via humiliation? Therefore, my husband only receives one or two supervised and very degrading orgasms per month. I enjoy this as a female supremacist because his rare orgasms become very entertaining for me. My favorite is to make him hump an inanimate object before another woman while I verbally degrade him. He will hump the floor, or a chair, or the bed, or the boots I am wearing, or whatever other nasty thing I think of.
My husband wears a chastity device most of the time so I know he isn't being a bad boy behind my back. We own three, the CB2000, the Chastity Tube and the Access Denied. I change them up for variety but he seems to be the most comfortable in the Access Denied. The CB2000 is best when traveling. Is it hard on him being frustrated and denied? You bet it is and I love it. What fun would it be for me if he loved being denied? It does make him more submissive toward me, so he loves that aspect of it but no man really enjoys being teased and denied all of the time. Well, mentally they do but sexually and physically they don't. His discomfort and frustration adds to my sexual excitement and sexual fulfillment.
Who do I cuckold my husband with? This is the most important part of the entire cuckolding process. Basically, I cuckold my husband with a man that I am very attracted to and one that I know my husband will be jealous of. What fun is there in cuckolding your husband with a man that he approves of? He has no right to question my choices and he must accept and yield to my choices. Who is the liberated wife? Who is the Dom here? Therefore my husband has no say or input on whom I date. If he doesn't struggle with at least a little jealousy and envy then he will not be humiliated and thus he will not slip into sub space. I want him to choose submission over his jealousy but I have to present the choice before he can choose.
I like to date young and good-looking men. I want my husband to feel threatened. I want him to double and triple his efforts in serving me and in making sure I am happy and the better looking my date, the more threatened my husband becomes and the more eager he is to please me. I told my husband at the start of all this that I would never leave him for another man and I meant that. There is not a man alive that I would rather be married to than my husband but I am not unaccustomed to using my husband's insecurities to get him to become a better servant and submissive. I still tell him that I love him and I will never leave him but then there are times that I will tease him mercilessly about how much better my lover is in bed than he ever was.
With that said, I look for a man that I am attracted to and sexually aroused by. I have never cuckolded my husband with a borderline man. I have always cuckolded my husband with a man that I found very sexy and a man that I wanted. I want a man that is younger than my husband, more muscular than my husband and if at all possible, better hung than my husband. If you are going to cuckold your husband, why do it with a little man with a puny cock? Do it with a stud with a stud's cock. Do it with a man that you want to fuck.
Where do I find my lovers? Let me begin by saying where I don't find them. Never date a man from work. Never pick a man up in a bar. Never date one of your husband's friends or co-workers. Never pretend that you are single when talking with a man. Always be honest about your marital status.
The majority of the men that I have found in recent years have been through my FemDom support group and the Internet. I have a personal ad on Alt.com and I get many replies but if the man doesn't follow my direction in the ad, I don't answer him. I want a picture and he has to be submissive who believes in female domination. When I answer an ad, I ask very direct and personal questions and I pull no punches. I say up front that I am happily married but that I am looking for a lover. I want him to be submissive but not passive. I want my husband to be passive, not my lover. I ask the man to give me his correct name, age, birth date, occupation, height, weight, build, and penis size measured from the top of the shaft to the tip of the penis, and sexual history. I have found two very good lovers through Alt.com but you must be extremely patient and you must have a thorough screening process.
The best way I have found lovers is through the FemDom group I help run. We are a small group of only five couples and I have no intention of growing. If one couple leaves, I add one couple to replace them. We started out with the intention of building a large support group but it has become a great ground for meeting and screening single submissive men. I have an obscure web site that can be only found through Alt.com and one other contact service. On my site, I talk about our group and how we are looking for a very few select single men to join in order to serve us superior females. I get quite a number of inquiries and I again make them go through my screening process before I invite them to a group function. I ask the same questions as above but I omit the questions about his penis size and sexual history. I definitely require a photo. If the man peaks my interest, I arrange a phone call. If he still peaks my interest, I invite him to a play party. There, I will get to examine his body as well as his personality. I have found the majority of my dates and lovers through our support group. The average party consists of us five couples and a select few single submissive men.
How do I keep the same single submissive men from coming to every party? I let them know up front that because we are a small group with limited space and because so many singles want to attend, they will only be invited to one initial party. Once a year we throw a big fetish bash at a very large commercial dungeon and I will invite all the selected men to that annual bash but not to another monthly party. Unless there is a single man that I or one of the other wives are interested in dating. Then the interested wife will call the man up and ask him on a date. If he becomes a lover to one of the wives, he is of course invited to the monthly parties. The key to my success rate is the screening process. I weed out most men before they ever get an invite to one of our parties.
How long do I date one of my lovers? Pretty much until I tire of him. I make sure the man I date knows up front that this relationship will only be for a season because I am a married woman. I am honest with the man. I tell him that I find him sexy and attractive but that my goal is to use him for my own selfish pleasure. If he is a submissive man, this kind of bold talk usually excites him. I have dated men for as short as two dates and I have dated men for as long as two years. My best cuckold ever lasted for two entire years.
Is it hard to end the relationship with the lover? No, not most of the time. Usually, the lover decides to move on before I do because he decides that he wants a full time relationship after he meets a single woman who can offer him a little more than I can. I like that the best because I hate to break it off with a man that becomes overly attached to me. Unfortunately that has happened a number of times and I never get use to doing it but it is a part of the process. A man usually knows that I am about ready to move on when I start encouraging him to date other single women.
Have I ever been hurt? Yes, the man I dated for two years became my best friend other than my husband and I became more attached to him than I had planned. I broke some of my steadfast rules with him, like taking vacations with him and allowing him to live with us for a few months. Both of those are bad ideas. The live in boyfriend is the fastest path to trouble. Three is definitely a crowd under one roof. The friction between him and my husband made me kick my boyfriend out and he never forgave me for that, so he ended the relationship. It hurt, but it was the correct thing to do. I had some great sex with that one and lots of pleasant memories. The great thing about being married is that your husband is there to cuddle with and to comfort you after a break-up. You are not alone and that makes it easy to get over it. However, the best advice is to keep your wits and do your best not to get too emotionally involved with your lovers. That is easier for some women to do than for others.
Do I have sex with all of the men I date? No, but that is the goal. I only date a man that I hope to take to bed with me. I rarely have sex with a man on my first date and there have been men that I was outwardly attracted to but after a couple of dates, I changed my mind. The great thing about being married is that it gives you an easy out for when you want to break things off after a few dates. You just say that you can't go through with it because of your husband. It always works like a charm.
Do I always have a boyfriend? No, but I am usually looking. Sometimes I want a break and I have gone as long as a year without having a boyfriend or lover. In the fifteen years that I have been doing this I would say that I have dated about fifteen men and about ten of those have been my lovers. So I have had many in between times with no boyfriend. I always tease my husband that I have dated more men and slept with more men since I have been married, then when I was single. Just another great thought to humiliate him with.
Now let me describe a typical date and a typical cuckold. Most husbands enjoy getting his wife ready for her dates and mine is no exception. That is so great for humiliating the husband and taking him to subspace. Without the pre-date activities, it would be much tougher on the husband. My pre-date routines vary. I might allow him to bathe me if we have the time but regardless, he will assist me in picking out my outfit and he will help to dress me. I add lots of humiliating comments and sling some verbal abuse on him about how excited I am about my date with my young stud. I will allow him to kiss and worship my body as he is dressing me. After I am dressed, I will allow him to worship my feet and stocking covered legs. I will always make him confess to me my right to date other men and he must always wish me a good time.
If my date picks me up at my house, I do not allow him to enter the house before the date. I don't want these men making eye contact. I have my date honk his car horn and I go outside to meet him. If you have nosey neighbors, it may be best to meet your date at a predetermined location. I usually give my husband some chores or errands to run while I am on my date. That adds to his humiliation and it also keeps his mind occupied. I usually make a few calls to my husband on my cell phone during my date and I take the opportunity to humiliate him by telling him what a marvelous time I am having and what a great conversationalist my date is. I might even tease how my date can't seem to keep is hands off of me. Some women prefer to put their husbands in bondage before they leave for their date so their husbands have to lay helpless to dwell on the fact that his wife is on a date with another man. That is a great thing to do the first few times but eventually I think the chores are better. I guess it depends on your husband's submissive nature and what has the best chance of keeping him in subspace.
I always inform my husband of the time I expect to be returning home. If I am going to be late, I will call to let him know. If I feel that I want sex from my date, I will make him remain in the car when he drives me home so I can prepare my husband. I will go in the house and order my husband to get in a submissive position and than I will inform him of my desire to take my date to bed with me. What I do with my husband depends on my mood. If it is the first or second time I have had sex with this man, I will usually take my husband to his bedroom and tie him to his bed. I may place a butt plug in him. He always has his chastity device on when I am on a date or cuckolding him. I will leave his door open so he can hear everything. I know some women have elaborate setups where they pipe the sounds from their bedroom into their dungeon or husband's bedroom but I just leave the doors open. After my husband is secure, I will motion for my date to come in. We may have some snacks or drinks but usually we get right into it. I am always dominant with my date but I give him some liberties. My husband must lay in his bed and listen to us having wild sex.
Once we are done, I see my lover to the door and he leaves. If I have the energy, I will go to my husband and I will dominate him and humiliate him. I will tease him about what a great lover my date was and what a big cock he had and such things. I almost always make my husband clean me out with his tongue and I'll make him worship my body. I may also whip him or even use my strap-on while I humiliate him.
After a few dates with my new lover, I may make my husband be present in the bedroom or playroom with us. I may tie him up and make him watch. If I do this, I forbid my husband to speak and I forbid my lover to make eye contact with my husband. My husband must watch another man fuck me and he must feel the shame and humiliation. I will usually make lots of eye contact with my husband while this is going on and I will usually say humiliating things to him. Of course I will make my moans as loud as I can for the added effect.
There have been times when I will make my husband assist. I may make him suck my nipples while my lover is licking my pussy. This is rare and only after my husband has proven that he can sit quietly and watch us a few times before I allow him to assist in pleasuring me. I never allow the two men to touch each other. My husband has no homosexual desires and I think it would be going too far to make him do this. I know of some women that do, but I don't. One of the women in my group will actually make her husband suck her lover's cock to warm him up before he fucks her. To each his own I guess. I think that would send my husband into the crazy house, so you need to know your husband and decide what is acceptable. I had a lover that actually asked me if he could have sex with my husband. I denied his request to my lover's disappointment and my husband's relief.
I have had sex back at my boyfriend's house as well. In these cases, I will call my husband on the phone and tell him what I am about to do. I have even made him listen over my phone while my boyfriend and I had sex. But most of the time I fill my husband in on the details when I get home and begin to tease him about it.
How often do I date? If I am in a relationship with a man, it is usually once a week. That keeps it distant enough so I don't become too attached and it gives me something to look forward to each week. I do not spend lots of time talking on the phone during the week with my boyfriend. I prefer to keep things to once a week. I have a career and a husband to tend to. The boyfriend is for my pleasure. Two full time relationships are too time consuming. I did it once and I will never do it again and I do not recommend it. I date to have fun, to have great sex and to express my female liberation. I am not looking for another long-term relationship. One is enough.
What are some of the highlights these past fifteen years? When I was forty-two, I dated a twenty-one year old stud that had a ten inch cock. My husband was very jealous and it was the most humiliated that I had ever seen him. I dated this kid for six months because of his cock. I had nothing in common with him and I didn't enjoy his company after the second date, but you can't pass up a cute boy with a ten-inch cock. Don't get angry with me but I actually sucked it a few times. It is the only one I have sucked in the past seventeen years but I had to make my husband watch me do it. And yes, I enjoyed myself.
I dated a black man that was built like a brick shit house and he had an eight-inch cock. The extra racial dimension also made my husband very jealous and humiliated. I only went out with him four times and had sex with him all four dates. I found out that he had other girlfriends and I ended it out of fear for my health. I have my rules and if a man does not follow them, then hit the road, Jack. By the way, if you use the Internet do not give your last name. You have the upper hand as the female so you must require their full name but never give them yours until you are certain that he is a keeper.
My husband and I went on a vacation one time and I ran into a man that I went to high school with. I was very attracted to him so I invited him to dinner with us. I flirted with him all night in front of my husband and later sent my husband to our room. I told my former classmate about my arrangement with my husband and I had the only one nightstand of my life. Oh, I forgot to include that one so that makes eleven men I have had sex with these past fifteen years.
I have experimented with bi-sexuality, as on two separate occasions I have had sex with another woman. I recommend it to every woman at least once. It is very erotic if you do it with the right woman. However, I think my husband enjoyed watching us a little too much.
Are my husband and I closer today than before the cuckolding? Yes, we are but it is a different intimacy. We have bonded on a higher D&S plain as I pretty much control his entire being. He is much more submissive today than he was before we started this lifestyle and I am more dominant. I will be honest and confess that I only see him as my husband to satisfy my female supremacist beliefs. He has to be my husband to stand in proxy for all husbands so I can control him and dominate him as a husband. But the truth is that our relationship is more of a Mistress and slave than the Wife and husband relationship of seventeen years ago. He does what I say and I do what I say. He still is allowed to orally please me on occasions and that combined with the D&S play, keeps us intimate on a special level. No other man enjoys that kind of special relationship with me.
In closing, let me reiterate what Elise has said. Cuckolding is not for every FemDom couple. I agree with her how the Dominant Wife falls into one of three categories. But if you fall into that last category and you hunger to totally control your husband, then cuckolding is the way to go. If you love to humiliate your husband and if you love to express your liberation, dating other men or even other women is the way to go. Just be sure to include your hubby in all that you do and have fun with it.