From Katie F:
I was in a chat room recently where the topic was about cuckolding. The moderator was a very wise woman whom I respect. I discovered this group about six months ago and I have always enjoyed the lively D&S discussions and I almost always agree with the female moderator. However, this past discussion was about cuckolding and a very sincere man asked for the opinions of the women in this group. The opinions varied as you would expect but the moderator came right out and told this man that he needed to stop the cuckolding or else it was going to destroy his marriage.
A little background, this man's wife had just begun to date and have sex with other men. They have been in the FemDom lifestyle for ten years and she has now decided to cuckold her husband to take him to the next level in his submission to her. He was both excited but a little uneasy about it, which is natural and can be expected. But the moderator was adamant that he needed to end this right now. He needed to stand up to his wife and tell her that he will not allow her to have any lovers. This stunned me because this man is the submissive. He has no right to forbid his wife to do anything. If he has been submitting to her for ten years, what good would it do his marriage if he tried to dominate her?
Now I agree that they need to have an open discussion about this topic and the wife needs to consider her husband's feelings. But he was not opposed to the cuckolding. He said that he was excited and that he was experiencing new submissive sensations. He was only having natural fears of where is this all heading? He was just a little concerned that his wife might leave him for another man down the road if she meets someone better. It was just your typical male insecurity. However, the moderator was telling him that he needed to obey his concerns because there was an excellent chance that she will dump him. Or have another man move in with them or she will move in with another man at some point and the husband will become no more than her puppy dog or pet.
That is when I stepped in and took the offensive by telling the group my story. When I was done, the moderator accused me of lying or coloring things with rose colored glasses because there was no way what I was saying could be as positive as I made it. She said that what I was saying went against human nature since the beginning of civilization. She was a student of history and sexuality and that this man needed to heed her advice. Her advice was for him to take a firm stand and to forbid his wife from doing this or else he should threaten to leave her. Basically her advice was going to kill their wonderful marriage all in the name of saving it.
Luckily, this man e-mailed me as my e-mail address was under my profile and he asked for permission to talk to me over the phone to make sure that I was indeed a woman. I agreed and we talked on the phone for two hours and he was so grateful to me for my insights. He also told me about your site and he suggested that I share my story on your site to help other couples. I must say that I am so impressed with you and your site, Elise. Your advice on cuckolding is right on the money. It isn't for every couple and it has many potential dangers if not done the proper way and with the proper motives.
Here is my story. I have been a dominant woman all my life. My father was very dominant and I took after him. I have been aggressive with boys from day one. I was raised in a conservative home and because I had a strong family life and a healthy self-image, I kept my virginity until I was 20. I teased many boys and dominated them psychologically but I was not promiscuous. I had a very serious boyfriend in college and he was the first man I ever had sexual relations with. We were intimate for about a year. Other than him, I only had sex with one other man before I met my husband. I did join a D&S group when I was twenty-two and I dominated many men when I was between the ages of twenty-two and twenty-five at play parties and even some private scenes. However, I only had sexual relations with one of the men that I dominated. I don't know if it was my strict upbringing or what, but I had some real reservations about having sex unless it was in a committed and long-term relationship. But that was probably a good thing as I look back.
At the age of twenty-five, I met my husband. He was a very sweet and submissive man but he knew nothing about D&S. He was as vanilla as they came. We met, we dated and I was so in love with him that I totally put my secret D&S life on hold. He finally popped the question after about six months of dating and we set the date. During the engagement period, I told him about my D&S group and a little about it so he knew about that part of my personality. I didn't want him to have any surprises, as I was serious about this marriage. He understood and he still wanted to marry me but he told me that he doubted if he could ever be a member of such a group. I told him no problem and that I would not be a member of it unless he was as well.
We married and the first two years of our marriage was pretty traditional. We had our challenges and struggles like any married couple would but we were very much in love and very committed to each other. After year two of our marriage, my dominant desire really became strong again. I asked my husband if he wanted to at least attend one party of my former D&S group with me. He refused but he did tell me that he was willing to explore the D&S lifestyle if we kept it just between the two us within our marriage. I agreed and I got very excited about the prospects of dominating him.
He was a natural submissive and he took to it very quickly. We played all kinds of D&S games and I introduced him to all the different activities and techniques that I knew of. I spanked him, whipped him, and dominated him. He loved it and he submitted to me very quickly. I then seized the reigns of our marriage and I took our D&S lifestyle outside of the bedroom and I made him into my 24/7 submissive. He loved it and I loved it. Once I got him to a certain place in his submission, I made him accompany me to a public party of my former D&S group. He was nervous and jealous when he saw all these men making over me as if they had found their long, lost friend. But my husband eventually lightened up and he got use to the group and watching me dominating other men.
Now, I had always had the fantasy of cuckolding my husband, even before I ever knew who he was. I just loved the thought of a wife having other lovers while her husband had to remain monogamous. So, I began to explore this desire of mine and I started to date other men. Now I loved my husband and the dating other men was more about humiliating and dominating my husband then it was about having sex with other men. My husband was my focal point and that is the key. My husband asked me one time, "Why do you date other men when you are so in love with me?" My answer was, "Because I can". And that was the truth. I date and fuck other men because as a dominant wife, I have that right.
I also think because I only had two other lovers before I met my husband, that I still had some oats to sow. Once I finally got over most of my sexual inhibitions and once I started to reach more of my sexual peak years, as I was now in my thirties, I started to desire sex with other men. I have no desire for a relationship with another man because I love my husband but dating another man was different. I like the first kiss, the first touch, the seduction and the sex. I like going on a date with someone new so I can hear new stories and interact with a new personality and I get to share my stories with someone who has never heard them before. I like the whole dating process.
Having said that, my motivation is in humiliating and dominating my husband. So I make it fun for him. My dates are always on Saturday night. Sunday through Friday belong to my husband but Saturday is my date night. I make my husband prepare me for my dates. Our ritual goes like this. He has to give me a candle lit bubble bath and he has to wash me all over. I love feeling his soapy hands all over my body as I tease him about how I am going to fuck another man tonight. He gets rock hard as he bathes me. He has to help dress me as I will make him pick out my outfit for the night, complete with sexy underwear. He has to help me with my makeup and when we are done, I am a total knockout. My husband is very turned on and excited. So excited, that I will place him in a chastity device to make sure that he does not touch himself when I am on my date. I also give him a list of chores to do but I make them sexy chores, like caring for my leather clothes or cleaning my toys or washing out my panties by hand.
I usually find my dates from the D&S support group as there are always plenty of eager single men but I have met some other single men as well, but more on that in a minute. Now, one important thing here about knowing your submissive man. I know my husband's limitations and insecurities, so while I would love to bring my date home to make my husband watch or at least listen, I know he could not handle it. We have talked about this many times and I have felt him out but I know he could not emotionally handle it. Therefore, I always have sex away from home, be it in a hotel room or at my lover's place.
Now for the fun part of the cuckolding. Like I said earlier, I enjoy the dating and I enjoy having sex with another man. I would be lying if I didn't admit that. But the best part of the whole cuckolding experience is when I come home to my waiting husband. He is so submissive and horny when I come home and I am very turned on as well. Now it is D&S time. I dominate him and humiliate him and we have a blast. Whippings, heavy humiliation, intense strap-on play and lots of making him orally service me. It is the ultimate power trip for me as well as the ultimate submissive trip for him. Now, I always use a condom when having sex with another man. Always, never an exception. But, I always tell my husband that my lover climaxed inside of me without a condom and that I want my husband to clean me out. This gets him so turned on and hot. He goes wild on me with his tongue and I experience better orgasms with my husband doing this then any of my lovers have ever brought me to. What can I say? We have the hottest and wildest D&S sessions after I have cuckolded my husband.
It is so much fun that there are actually some Saturday nights that I don't have a date but I make my husband think that I do, just so we can have the intense D&S play. I make him get me all ready and then I will just go to a movie or go to a lounge for a few drinks. Then I will come home and my husband thinks I was with a lover and we have a ball. That is how I have actually met a couple of lovers over the years, by going by myself to a lounge when I was killing time. I never slept with any strange men that night but I built a few friendships that way and told the men what I was doing to my husband and I got a few anxious and eager future dates out of it.
So that is my story. I have cuckolded my husband for the past five years. I don't have a date every Saturday night and I don't have sex on every date but my husband thinks that I do and I have driven him into very deep submission to me. I love to whip him and dominate him and do the C/B torture and the golden showers and the strap-on play but nothing is as powerful, as far as taking him to a deep submissive state, then when I cuckold him. It is a very powerful tool in dominating a submissive husband.
The important thing is that I love my husband and I have no desire to ever leave him. In fact, the more I date other men, the more I appreciate my husband. No man could ever replace him. I have the proper motivation and my heart is toward my husband, just like you recommend, Elise. But I do date and I do cuckold him "because I can". That is the wonderful thing about being a dominant woman and a dominant wife. I do these things because I can.