Let me start by telling you that I am a 51 year old male submissive, married to my Mistress/wife. I live a 24/7 submissive life to her. I am a college graduate and am employed in a senior technical position in a large manufacturing company. My Mistress/wife was a practicing RN, until three years ago, when she quit to start her own business.
I first realized that I was sexually excited by bondage and whips when I was still in my teenage years. At first, I thought that I would be a top, but after reading and soul searching, I realized that I was really a bottom, a submissive. I always thought that there were not very many people who did this sort of thing.
Eventually I came to realize that there were more people with feelings like mine. We had not been married too long when during sex play, the topic of spanking came up and I asked my wife to spank me. She did and we then talked about it. I had enjoyed it and she had heard of BDSM, but thought that the bottom was getting hurt. We discussed it and read about BDSM and we progressed to using her hair brush and then one of my heavy belts.
One day she braided a whip out of some leather shoe laces. We were not on the Internet at that time and the only real information that we got on BDSM scenes were from the videos that we rented from the local adult toy store. In looking back, I can say that they were not the best, but they were "the only game in town".
In the meantime, we went on line and I learned more from the Internet. I talked to some very nice people who answered a lot of my questions. I was fortunate that my wife fit into the role of Mistress very well and I became her slave. Things just seemed to blossom. She enjoyed the additional attention paid to her and the help of having a slave.
I had made some better whips and we bought a riding crop from the adult store. We were experimenting with how much pain I could take and developing our scenes. We chose a safe word for me to say, if the pain became too much. I made restraints, in the early stages of the D/s relationship, although now I realize that better ones could be purchased. For my birthday and Christmas, I would receive BDSM toys. First came a blindfold, then nipple clips, then some c*ck torture toys. We learned about humiliation, which I really enjoy, so thus we practice it. Some of the things that are described below range from "goddess worship" to humiliation.
I want to take this space to say that we have discussed all these things at length. We both believe that communication is very important. As neither of us reads minds, the only way to get what we each want is to communicate. We went into things slow. I did not just one day become her full time slave. When we try something new, my Mistress will ask me after if it was good for me and if I liked it. (in a serious, not mistressy voice) She also likes to be told periodically that I like what she does to me. (take note of this, male subs)
We may have discussed the act before hand or the new thing may have been a surprise from my Mistress, but she always questions whether I like it. Where is this leading? She cares about my well being, more than her desires. We talk about it so we get it right for both of us. Our home isn't a medieval torture chamber, but a loving environment where BDSM is practiced on a regular basis. Talking about what each of us wants does not cheapen the act for us. Instead it assures each of us that we are both getting the most out of BDSM play, which includes humiliation play.
I am fortunate to have a Mistress who is an RN. She knows what is harmful to me, when she is cutting the circulation, etc. Without this knowledge, more discussion would be required. When I am fully bound and in pain from clips and the whip, I trust completely that she is in control of herself and will not harm or abuse me. This is not to say that I will not end up with welts, an occasional black & blue mark or an occasional cut from the whip. I am talking about real damage, both physical and psychological that can be done easier than you think.
(Once the Dom knows how much the sub can take and what pleases him/her, then limits can be pushed.)
I live 24/7 in service to my Mistress/wife because I like it that way. My Mistress/wife enjoys the role of Mistress and enjoys giving me the pain that I love to receive. (Is it pain, or a Dom's love?) But I receive all of it because of a combination of "I really want it" and "She wants to give it".
We both realize that the D/s relationship that we have is all a game. It is a fantasy that is being lived, every day. We are able to separate it from our every day married life, yet it is part of our everyday married life. By separating, I mean that we both carry on our life as normal married people do, with the exception that I am her submissive, her slave. Some people would rather use the word "submissive" instead of "slave"
I prefer the latter and it is all a matter of semantics, anyway. We both make decisions in our every day life and we both rely on each other. Why would a slave not be able to make important decisions? In history, some slaves ran their master's affairs as far back as ancient times.
We have a household to run and all the normal problems and decisions that any couple have. There is no conscious decision when to enter or leave a role. I am not crawling on the floor or kneeling before her all day or being whipped all day. I do not have to wear a collar to know that I am her slave. But being her slave means that I am there to do the little things to serve her that a "vanilla" husband does not do.
She is my goddess.
For instance, I hang up her dress when she takes it off. I take care of her clothes every night when she takes a shower. I am there to give her a towel and dry her off. I take her coat out of the closet and help her with it and put it away when she takes it off. She runs her own business out of our home and when she is in her work area, I serve her soda or water.
I am at her beck and call, whenever I am home. She will often command me to bring her a whip and will whip me for some reason or just because she feels like it. We love each other very much and I believe that our D/s relationship has brought us closer together. For me, It is a sexual thing. Perhaps this part is a "male thing". I find it very arousing to serve a Mistress.
Everything that I do for her has some sort of sexual meaning to me, even though there is nothing sexual about it. For instance, in doing the things that she commands me to do around the house, I know that I am pleasing my Mistress and that to me is a turn on.
Even emptying the dishwasher when not commanded, I know that my Mistress will take notice and be pleased. She makes sure that I know she is pleased. She rewards me often, with wordsI'm a 37yr old submissive male, and I was asked if I would give my point of view regarding D/s, and bdsm relationships. I don't know if this will make sense to anyone other than myself, but I will do my best.
I first realized that I was into D/s and bdsm when I was 15yrs old - though, at that time, I thought I was unusual and that there must be something wrong with me, because I didn't realize that there was anyone else like me in the world, I thought I must be some sort of freak or wierdo. It was only about 10yrs later, in my mid twenties, that I found out that in fact there were many many people out there like me.
Unfortunately for us sub-males who are into femdom, there are very few 'mistresses' about, other than the professional ones.
I couldn't explain to you why I feel the way I do, as far as my interests in bdsm go, as I do not fit into all the classic stereotypes that people give those of us with this desire. I wasn't caned at school, other than the normal smacks for misbehavior that the average child gets. My parents did not discipline me, and I do not have, nor have I ever had, a high pressure job that has made me want to give the responsibility to someone else, it is just something within me that I find very hard to explain.
The only thing I can say about myself, if it helps put things into perspective, is that I have often thought that, had I been born a few centuries ago, when torture chambers were the norm, I think I should quite happily given myself up to torture, so long as it was a female who was doing the torturing.
What I do have, is a deep desire to serve a dominant female, or even females, as I have often fantasized about being retrained and tortured by two sisters, or two female best friends. I also have the belief that ALL women are superior to me, including sub-females, that sub-males, as far as women are concerned, are the lowest of the low. If I had a mistress, who also had a female slave, that female slave would be superior to me, though she was inferior to our mistress. That though, is just my opinion, I can't say whether other sub-males feel that way about females.
Having said this, as extremis so eloquently put it, I do have a mind of my own, if I have an opinion on something, I will voice that opinion and give my point of view. Though as I've said, I think women are superior to men, I do not think that everything they say is therefore automatically right, we are all human, and we can all make mistakes.
If you're new to bdsm and D/s, you will find that over time, as you progress further down your chosen path, that there is great diversity. Not everyone is into the same thing, some are only mildly interested, for others it is a way of life, but, however far you want to go, follow your heart, don't let people put you off. Contrary to what you may read in the media, you are not a pervert.
Perverts are people who molest children, rape or sexually assault women, or who have sex with animals. At least, that's my definition of a pervert, others may disagree.
Personally, I like nothing better than to be restrained by a woman or women, ready for them to do whatever they wish to me, within the normal safety rules that any sane people would agree to. But, as I've said before, that is just my opinion. As in everyday life, we are all different, and have our own particular likes and dislikes.
For me, just thinking about, or talking about bdsm is enough to turn me on, sometimes in places where I have to do my best to hide my arousal. For any newcomers to the lifestyle, experiment, try the things you have always fantasized about, if it is practical to do so, and, that way, you will find out exactly what you like and dislike.
One final important point for anyone new to bdsm, or thinking about getting into it. It must be consensual, both parties must agree to it, never let anyone persuade you to do anything you do not wish to do, and always have a 'safeword', that tells your dom/me partner that you've had enough for the time being.