First of all, the couple had better have a wonderful, positive, open relationship. You are going to be playing for real here, and both of you have to be able to say what you are feeling, and to "bail out" at any point that it becomes unworkable or dangerous. In the words of one cuckold, "You and your wife must love each other very much. That love, trust, understanding and willingness to be open and honest must be there, or neither of you, nor your marriage in whatever shape it may take, will survive."
Sex is powerful; there's a reason advertisers use it! You cannot expect your wife to have sex with someone and not develop feelings for him (unless it is a terrible experience; see below). In fact, cuckolding is even more dangerous in this regard than "hot wife-ing" (is there such a phrase?), because the ultimate fantasy of the cuckold is that she will like her lover more than him! So, take it step by step. I have corresponded with many couples for whom it was a powerful fantasy, but as they took the first baby-steps toward making it real, they realized that they didn't like where it was going. I applaud them - we've got enough divorces.
"What are our limits?" is a question which should be asked and asked again. If you both love each other, and you are doing this to find a new kind of experience, then you should both be overwhelmed with concern for how the other is handling it, and whether the latest step is over the line. Women, there is a nearly-foolproof way to tell: it's called the Peter Meter! If you talk about actually meeting a man for the first time, or about going away with him on a cruise for a week, your husband's cock will tell you whether this is A Very Good Idea, or moving too fast!
Remember, especially, that once the wife has a lover, he does not "go away" like turning off a VCR. He is real, and his presence in your lives is real, too. As one cuckold said, "The humiliation is very real. It doesn't stop after you've jacked off three times. Her lover is still in the picture." So, folks, this is one you can't "take back"; you can stop, but you can't undo what you have done, or what you have said. If hubby doesn't want to live with the knowledge that his wife's lover is better, or that she longs to be with him, or that those three extra inches really do matter to her, then don't start.
Men, I can only give you the one suggestion which I've told Sally from day one: she has absolute veto power over anything, at any time. She can get up and walk out of a restaurant, or a hotel room, or a conversation; she can say she's done seeing someone; she can say something makes her uncomfortable; and in every case, I'll agree instantaneously. Once she understood that I really meant that (she was afraid she'd "disappoint me," but I explained that it's not my fantasy if she's not enjoying), it gave her the freedom to test her own limits.
Finally, let's be real: the Internet is wonderful, but all the dangers which apply to kids online apply to grownups, too. People are not always what they appear to be, and some are downright strange. Talk lots - lots - before agreeing to meet someone! Start with email, progress to ICQ or IM, and then talk on the phone. If you're worried about the other person having caller ID, buy a phone card and call from a pay phone! We strongly suggest a first-meeting dinner (remember, cuckolds always pick up the check!), with the absolute understanding that nothing other than dinner is going to happen that evening. This gives everyone a chance to meet and talk face-to-face, and gives wifey the chance to consider whether she wants to share her bed with this man. Making it a no-touch evening gives her the opportunity to say yes or no on her own, without him (or hubby) breathing down her neck.
And as they used to say on Hill Street Blues, "be careful out there." Cuckolds and cuckolders are usually regular people, with lives, jobs and children. You don't want your exploits on the front page of the local paper, do you? We strongly suggest using pseudonyms and false-everything until you get to know the other person very well. Hotmail, Yahoo, etc., offer anonymous email, and though we'd never want to be accused of suggesting anything dishonest, there isn't anything that actually requires you to tell the truth in signing up for your Hotmail or Yahoo account! We won't tell, if you won't.
by Cuckold Paul