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How do you get a man to do what you say? This depends on the peculiar chemistry of the relationship between you. It depends in part on your personal inclinations and in part on his psychological makeup.


At the same time, however, there ought to be some basic principles to this business of women dominating men that would be valid in all cases. Someday there will be courses in psychology departments on how to control men, but for now there is probably little that can be said about such principles in any systematic way.


I think I should try anyway. It might help clarify what needs to be done to develop a general theory of female domination.


One question that can be disposed of immediately concerns the use of physical intimidation to make a man obedient. This simply cannot work for most women since men tend to be larger and stronger. Most of the physical intimidation occurring in our society is perpetrated by men against women.


It is possible for a woman to resort to corporal punishment to enforce her rule over the male, but the man in question must be willing to disciplined in this fashion. No matter how immature he is emotionally, he is no longer a child in a physical sense and cannot be punished against his will. A woman has to use psychology to gain and maintain her control.


There is no other way. This brings us to the basic principle of female domination: The man has to accept being dominated. There has to be something in it for him.


This basic principle enables us to classify the different techniques of female domination: There are as many types of female domination as there are male motives for submitting to being dominated.

Perhaps the most basic motivation is his desire for your approval. This desire can be cultivated over time.


Start by keeping him off balance through criticism of his behavior.




This is most effective when unexpected. Once he becomes anxious about the possibility that you might criticize him at any time, he will endeavor to please you.


But criticism is only half the story. The other side of the coin is positive reinforcement: Be sure to praise him when he does something submissive and self-sacrificing for your benefit. This will condition him to find fulfillment in his role as a subordinate person.


Another motive that can lead a man to submit to being dominated by a woman is a desire for moral betterment. Here the key is to get him to agree that he is irresponsible and immature and that you are his moral superior. Once he comes to believe (or at least half-believe) that he is morally inadequate and in need of your guidance, he should be open to trying to do what you say.


If you can get him to acknowledge his need for your moral guidance, then you can ask him to sign a contract obligating him to obey you and obligating you to provide him with moral guidance and discipline.


A different type of motivating force is sexual attraction. One point to keep in mind is never to give a man all the sex that he wants because then he will take you for granted.


The thing to do is to keep his sexual energy bottled up at least part of the time. This energy can then be used to remold his personality.


A man's sexual energy, or libido, can be stimulated through sexual teasing. You can give him a peek up your skirt. You can have him help you change clothes. Or you can go about the house from time to time dressed in fancy underwear or a skimpy nightie.


This brings us to the subject of lingerie. The first thing to remember about lingerie is that it has a cosmetic value.


Not very many of us look like Cindy Crawford or Naomi Campbell, and our intimate apparel can take attention away from whatever figure problems we might happen to have. Men regard our wearing fancy lingerie as something done for their benefit; they are too self-centered to see it any other way. They are totally unaware that we are using it to hide things that we don't want them to notice.


Another form of sexual stimulation is fetishism. The word "fetish" comes from the Portuguese word for a charm, feiti*o. It originally applied to charms used by natives of West Africa, and from the beginning has had a double meaning. In a religious sense, it refers to a magic charm that is believed to have power in itself.


At the same time, it also means a charm which women use to be attractive to men. John Atkins, writing in 1735 of his voyage to Guinea, observed that "the Women are fondest of what they call Fetishing, setting themselves out to attract the good Graces of the Men." Both of these meanings are still in use, but the meaning that concerns us here is the sexual one.


A sexual fetish is an object that a man finds to be sexually stimulating in itself. Because the man is stimulated by the object, the object has power over him. So the woman who controls the fetish has power over the man.


Most men are fetishists to at least a small degree. A very good article about the pervasiveness of fetishism among men is Gil Schwartz' "My Love Affair with Underwear," which appeared in the November 1991 issue of Mademoiselle. This article is definitely worth a trip to the library to dig it out.


The mild form of fetishism that most men have can be cultivated and grow into something much stronger. The woman can reinforce her man's fetishes over time and make him dependent on her. The range of objects which can take on the role of a fetish for one man or another is virtually unlimited, but there are certain basic fetishes which are almost universal in their appeal.


The single most important fetish is the female foot. There is nothing new about men being attracted to women's feet; John Atkins-the one who wrote about West African fetishism in 1735-described a woman who was "always barefoot and fetished with Chains and Gobbets of Gold, at her ancles." It should be the goal of every woman to induce her man to kiss her feet on a regular basis. Kissing a woman's feet is both pleasurable and humiliating for the man.


The pleasure makes him willing to go on doing it, while the humiliation conditions him to obey her. Humiliation reshapes a man's personality and makes him more obedient. The man who is trained to worship a woman's feet will become more obedient over time.


A man with a submissive personality will already have an inclination toward foot worship, and a woman can start him in at once. Some men may not be ready for it, however. One way for a woman to tell if a man is ready is to have him massage her feet. If he shows disdain for them, then it will be necessary to lead him to foot worship in stages. This is done by training him with other fetishes first.


Besides the female foot, all other major fetishes are articles of women's clothing. These items tend to be clustered from the waist down. There is a reason for this. As women's power has increased, the lower parts of women's bodies have received more attention from men.


The twentieth century has witnessed a progressive increase in the power of women and a corresponding decline in the power of men; as a consequence, more attention is being paid to women's legs and feet.


This phenomenon is significant enough to have been reflected in fashion: as fashion historian and couture appraiser for New York's William Doyle Galleries, Caroline Rennolds Milbank, observes, "Twentieth-century fashion history is really the history of the leg."

Probably the most universal fetish is the gartered stocking with a seam. This is then teamed with a garter belt.


Madonna has said, "Everybody is a sucker for garter belts," and she should know if anyone does. I admit that nylon stockings are more trouble than pantyhose, but remember that we are talking about power here, ladies!


Whenever a man sees a woman wearing gartered stockings, he unconsciously assumes that she is thinking about sex. So just wearing them is a tease in itself. In addition, a woman can tease her man by putting on and taking off the stockings, crossing and uncrossing her legs, letting her shoe dangle and stopping to straighten her seams from time to time.


And a woman's feet become more enticing when sheathed in sheer nylon.


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